The Woman and Her He-goat

A preacher notices a woman in the congregation who begins to weep as soon as he begins to preach. Thinking he has made a big catch he preaches with even greater fervour. The more he preaches, the more the woman cries.

Finally, the preaching over, it is time to give testimonies. The preacher points to the woman and says, “Sister, I can see you were mightily moved as we proclaimed the word of God. Now can you please share with us what it was that convicted your spirit so much.”

The woman hesitates, but the pastor insists so she comes up and takes the microphone. “You see,” she begins, “Last year I lost my he-goat, the most precious thing I possessed. I prayed and cried much over it and then I forgot all about it. But as soon as you came out to preach and I saw your beard, it reminded me all over again of the he-goat. I still cry whenever I remember it.” She did not remember one word of what the preacher said.

Ned and the Dog

Ned goes over to see his neighbour who has a very ferocious-looking dog. As Ned approaches the door the dog begins to bark wildly and his neighbour says to him, "Come on in, Ned! Don't be afraid of my dog. You know the old proverb: A barking dog never bites." "Yes," replied Ned, "I know the proverb, and you know the proverb, but does your dog know it?" Before we have an agreement on when a dog can bite and when it cannot, we must first make sure the dog is party to the agreement.

Bishop Desmond Tutu

Bishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa is very fond of this joke: When the missionaries came to Africa, we had the land and they had the Bible. Then they said, "Let us pray ...," and asked us to close our eyes. By the time the prayer was over, they now had the land and we had the Bible. And he usually ends the joke by adding, "And I think we got the better deal."

The Bishop' Confession

A story is told of a delegate of priests headed by a bishop. In the aircraft in which they were travelling were other diverse people.

Suddenly there was a problem: one of the aircraft's engine stopped working. Every body was gripped with fear. No body wants to die. After a while another announcement was that the second engine has stopped working too, that all should prepare for anything.

Instantly, there was a long queue of people confessing their sins. The priests and the bishop also confessed to each other. Third announcement was that all is well again: the engines are working now. The bishop quickly and quietly went to the priest whom he heared his confession and said to him:

"I did not mean all that i told you, i was only joking"

" I Have Fallen"

A newly posted parish pastor discovered that all who come to confess their sin is guilty of "I Have Fallen" He waited to understand what the clause could mean to the people. But all efforts on the contrary did not help matters. He then concluded that the bad road in vicinity might be the reason may people fall. As a result he went to the Mayor to complain about the roads in the Council:

"Sir, your roads are bad. My parishioners are always hurt. They keep confessing ‘ I have Fallen’"

The Mayor who knew what " I Have Fallen" meant for the people burst into laughter. The priest was embarrassed and said:

"Even your wife is a victim of the bad road and you are laughing"

The man got mad because he understood that his wife had cheated him.
"I Have Fallen" the people use to refer to sin of adultery/fornication.

The Professor and the Village Boy

A university professor, after very many years of study came home. On arrival he met a village boy at the river bank. The little boy ferry people across the sea for money. No sooner had professor boarded the boy's canoe than the following interogation began:

Prof: "Did you read philosophy?"
The Boy:"No"
Prof: "You are useless in the world"
Prof: "What about psychlogy?"
The Boy: "No"
Prof: "You are a waste"
Prof: "Did you read phamacology?
The Boy: "No"
Prof: "You are good for nothing"

After a while there was excessive wave and the canoe was shaking to capsize.
The boy quicky abandoned the prof to fate. The helpless prof was in great fear, yelling at the litte bot for help.The Boy asked him " Prof, have studied Swimmology?" Now you are the one finished.

The Grammarian

In our little village, a grammarian woke one morning and discovered that his house was on fire. He picked up his phone and rang the Fire Officer.
"Is that the combustion officer?" He asked, "Please gravitate your accelerity of alacrity beacuse a gigantic configuration has engulged my domiciliary"
Before the Fire Officer could find out the meaning of the words used by the grammarian, the grammarian had been rendered homeless.